Gratefulness

Gratefulness

When I was very young, I remember my parents teaching me to consider myself blessed that there were others who were not experiencing this kind of safety and opportunity set before them. They would tell me to be grateful to God for the good things we had received, as so many in the world were living in suffering. I now understand this principle to be one of gratitude and thankfulness, especially toward others (ancestors) who had suffered in their journey to carve out a place of safety and security. This type of gratitude and thankfulness are good things to remind ourselves of, but it is not exactly what meditation teachers mean when they ask us to practice gratefulness.

Gratefulness has been practiced for as long as mindfulness has been, if not longer. Most religions in the world have combined this principle into the rituals they practice, likely because it is recognized as good for the mental health of all people. It is linked to community consciousness and the practice of charity and reciprocity.

So, if mindfulness is about seeking awareness or present consciousness through the intentional practice of Sati, then What does gratefulness mean?  If you ask Eckhart Tolle, “It means you appreciate what is. You value, you give attention to, you honor whatever is here at this moment.” It is as if, by finding a place to be grateful, you can then create space for that appreciated situation to blossom into fruition. In Eckhart’s answer, he goes on to further suggest (like in the book “the secret”) that by honoring what is there, you unconsciously can bring about a positive outcome by shaping it into reality. And by holding space with a grateful receptivity, your intentions bring about possibilities for good things to occur. Tolle suggests that you then permit the right conditions for that future situation to come to fruition.

Atisha (980-1052 CE) the Indian Buddhist [see picture] responsible for bringing Buddhism to Tibet certainly thought we should learn to be grateful for all things, and even also…the negative ones. Atisha said, “be grateful to everyone”. The Buddhist meditation teacher Victor Parachin (2021) further describes that Atisha even thought that “we should be especially grateful for having to deal with annoying people and difficult situations, because without them … how could we practice patience, exertion, mindfulness, loving-kindness, or compassion?”

Parachin (2021) summarized Dr. Jeff Wilson approach (ordained teacher of Shin Buddhism) beautifully by explaining that, “Every circumstance, no matter how complex, challenging, and frustrating, contains a positive seed that should be nurtured.” By taking notice of the positive seeds and nurturing those seeds in spite our natural aversion to a situation, we can teach ourselves to be with the problem, instead of running away from it.

Gratefulness invites us to posture towards, rather than away from the circumstances we find ourselves in. In the words of my mindfulness teacher Dawn, she would say “incline gently towards what is there with an attitude of curiosity”. Essentially this means turn towards or square your shoulders towards what is there present in front of you. That one – square your shoulders – is my mantra and helps me to stay reminded about inviting present challenges with an open heart.

It is not an easy feat to square one’s shoulders towards something that is uncomfortable. I recall trying to apply this to a problem I was having, while riding my bike past a barking dog. I remember feeling surprised, frightened and sometimes angry that this dog would interrupt my calm ride to work at the start of my day. Out of nowhere, the dog would just rush towards me and begin barking aggressively. My body would get tense and I’d become distressed. So, I thought, I might try to apply the skills of gratefulness to this situation. The next time the dog rushed at me, I tried to turn towards the dog and say, “hello doggy, I’m grateful you came to say hi”. Soon my memory started to mark this spot in anticipation of this meeting, and eventually I even became disappointed if the dog did not come to greet me.

No longer was I distressed by this conflictual meeting. No longer was I overcome. Instead, I triumphed, and it was all thanks to that dog for just being there – in my path – to teach me. This is what these mindfulness teachers are saying when they tell us to practice with an attitude of gratefulness for what is upsetting. It teaches us engagement principles instead of avoidance. It invites us to rest with our current circumstances instead of fretting about performance concerns. It teaches us to become our own best friend when we need to grow into new roles. And it teaches us to embrace the unknowns without retreating into a state of helplessness.

One of the tools that I took when I first learned this Gratefulness principle (the one that also includes the negatives) is that I wrote out a meditation statement for helping me to integrate gratefulness in my life. “I’m Grateful for X Because X.” I started becoming thankful for being in Manitoba, for having to walk through a blizzard, and even for engaging in conflicts with my partner. I apply this meditative mantra and explore how I can embrace interoceptive information – how I experience my own body sensations (ex. How do I find space to be grateful for my sore leg?); proprioceptive information – how I experience my body functioning within the environment (ex. How do I find space to accept my failure to perform a goal or task), and  exteroceptive information – how I experience the environment interacting with me (ex. How do I find space to embrace a conflict with a colleague?).

It is not enough to just say the words “I’m grateful for…”. Many people just say this out of reflex and don’t really think about how a thing they interact in the world with is still something to be grateful for. Even the loss of a function is something we must find space for and begin to accept its impermanence. Being grateful for the end of a thing or the loss of a thing is something that reminds us to cherish (even more) the things we already have. When you can receive an experience as an opportunity to embrace, you permit yourself to stay in contact with what is there. I often think if I were allowed to change the term Mindfulness to anything, I would call it Embracefullness. To embrace the present experiences in the here and now, and welcome or engage what is there set before us, paying attention, on purpose, non-judgmentally. Gratefulness is just a wonderful shortcut to mastering the mindfulness practice.

Victor M. Parachin (2021); Seven Buddhist Lessons in Gratitude, in Spirituality & Health.